Everything you are saying makes sense logically. I agree this is how it *should* work. But even though it’s bullshit, it is how it works. Standing up for yourself might ingratiate you to a few surrounding customers (IF they see you doing it, AND saw how much of an asshole the customer was). But most bosses won’t let you get by with being “rude” to customers.

I wish that servers were paid a living wage, and not dependent on tips. I wish that they had some rights in the workplace, so they would be supported when they need to stand up against a bully. But until we get those things, anyone who tries this will get, at minimum, no tip, yelled at, or, at worst, fired.